Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
