"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
