Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so let's talk penis.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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