I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
