very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
