Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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