ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
