We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
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