I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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