Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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