Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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