my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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