This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
