I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
