then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
