Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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