the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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