just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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