East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
