My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
