I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
