I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
