I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
