Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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