The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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