how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
