i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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