I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize