I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize