I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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