He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
