Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
