I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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