Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole