we have pet lesbian snakes
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.