lets start a swedish sibling band together
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
