I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.