i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
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btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
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Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.