sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?