I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.