He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Drunk is not a location!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
