ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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