So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
