I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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