Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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