dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
