I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
