I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
