In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
