My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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