eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
