my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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