You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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