If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
