i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
