Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
