Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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