im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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