Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
