It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
