one might say we're banned from that church
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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