if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My vagina is officially offended.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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