if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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