he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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