dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
