walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
