Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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