She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
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He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
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Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize