I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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