you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
