i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
