I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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