Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm like, not good at living.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
