Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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