need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
