I hate your face
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
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