benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
