So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
