I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
