when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
