people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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