I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
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I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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