I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
