he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
