I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
