the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
