Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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