one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
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is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
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After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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