Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
