He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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