I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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