quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
When are your genitals available?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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